Bittersweet Times

There has been a pretty significant change in my life… I have a boyfriend. He is such a nice guy and I like him so much, and most importantly, he really likes me. It has been nice to be with a guy that pursues me and honors me. He is a man, not some immature boy, and it has been a refreshing experience.

Unfortunately, while I’m very happy in my relationship, my friends are not as supportive. (when I say friends, I mean, four specific friends.) It has been hard and my feelings are really hurt. Two of my friends are upset because he is not reformed. And two of my friends are upset because the relationship has grown pretty fast. I think both things are ridiculous. The first one I don’t even feel the need to defend. And the second one, I realize it has gone fast, but this is not a relationship of two nineteen years old. I’m 30 and he is 26; we are both old enough to know our mind and know what we want. We have been very level headed about everything. We have also had all summer to really get to know each other; we had significant time to spend together.

I’m just really frustrated because I just want my friends to be happy for me. I mean, I get it, they are concerned because they love me, but right now I don’t want them to be worried, I want them to be happy and support me. I don’t want to have to defend my relationship or my decisions. Just be freakin happy for me!!! I also want them to trust me. I mean, it isn’t like I jump from guy to guy. This is my first boyfriend in 5 years, doesn’t that say something about my judgement?!?!?

I just want to be mad right now. I know that I should be grateful that my friends love me, but my feelings are hurt and I just want to be mad. This is suppose to be a fun time, where I’m just excited and giddy, but they are raining on my parade and I didn’t give them permission to rain on my parade!!!! I don’t really care what they think! I didn’t ask for their opinion or their advice!!!

I’m also really mad at myself that I even care what they think. Why have I let all of this bother me so much?!?!? Why do I let it get me down? Which makes me even more mad at them, why did they put me in this position? It isn’t even like they know Cody, so how can they even be worried when they know NOTHING!!!!

I feel like I need to let myself be upset so that I can get over this. I need to let myself feel angry and hurt. I need to let myself cry.

All my other friends are excited for me, why can’t they be excited for me?!?!?! How can I get over this and move on?!?!?!

What I cannot change

I know what makes me comfortable
And I know what makes me tick
And when I need to get my way
I know how to pour it on thick

Cream and sugar in my coffee
Right away when I awake
I face the day and pray to God
I won’t make the same mistakes
All the rest is out of my hands

I will learn to let go what I cannot change
I will learn to forgive what I cannot change
I will learn to love what I cannot change
But I will change, I will change
Whatever I, whenever I can

Yeah, I don’t know my father
Or my mother well enough
It seems like every time we talk
We can’t get past the little stuff

The pain is self-inflicting
I know it’s not good for my health
But it’s easier to please the world
Than it is to please myself
All the rest is out of my hands

I will learn to let go what I cannot change
I will learn to forgive what I cannot change
I will learn to love what I cannot change
But I will change, I will change
Whatever I, whenever I can

Right now I can’t care about
How everyone else really feels
I have enough hurt of my own to heal

I will learn to let go what I cannot change
I will learn to forgive what I cannot change
I will learn to let go what I cannot change
I will learn to forgive what I cannot change

I will learn to love what I cannot change
But I will change, I will change
Whatever I, whenever I can

One thought on “Bittersweet Times

  1. Amy,
    I’m so sorry your friends aren’t more supportive of you. Like you said, this is your first boyfriend in 5 years, and you’re 30 and you know what you want. Do they know how much you’ve struggled with singlehood? Have they taken that into account? I’m sorry, but it just seems like they’re meddling.

    Did you write that poem? It’s really good! I’m glad you have a good guy who treats you well. 🙂 I’m still waiting for my Prince Charming to show up.

    It was so good to see an update from you. I enjoy hearing about your life!

    Ashley

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