Fall Break: Almost like Christmas!

Well, I finally made it to Fall Break! There were moments in last 2 weeks, when I wasn’t sure I would…. Now to figure out how to enjoy Fall Break! or at least some of it! For example, today is the first day of Fall Break, and my mind woke me up at 5 am racing with thoughts of school… Damn. I just want to sleep! But that does confirm why I wanted to come back to blogging. Maybe if I just write this down, I can get it out of my brain and move on with life…

Sidenote: my cat is laying on top of my arm while I try to write this in bed. It wouldn’t bother me so much if it wasn’t that now I can’t reach for my coffee in between sentences…

Part of the problem right now is that I have too much work to do and I do have the time, (because it is Fall Break) but I also want to have some downtime and relaxing time…. *sigh*

*Brief pause while I look at my calendar and plan out my Fall Break…* OMG! I feel so much better! It is written down and I have a plan of action! Now to demonstrate the self-control to implement it! That is the hard part…

Cat update: My cat has moved, but now she is staring at me with her RBF. “Uh, mom, could you stop that right now, it is bothering me and interfering with my ability to use you to nap on…”

Now to get serious… God has really been showing me some things this week… This school year I was determined to be better about waking up and reading my Bible. I feel like I’m always trying to read my Bible more, but the first time for like EVER, it is finally working. I think the breakthrough finally came this summer. I don’t know if I can explain it exactly… Part of it is being more reasonable in my expectations. Sometimes I read for 30-45 mins and sometimes it might just be 15-20 mins, BUT regardless I’ve been really  faithful to do SOMETHING! like I tell my students SOMETHING is better than NOTHING! I think one of the reasons that I finally feel like this is a breakthrough is that when I miss a day or two, for the first time EVER, it only takes me about 2-3 days before I start reading again. I think that is why God has given me this breakthrough is because even though I failed for years, I never gave up and I never stopped praying, asking for this. So I guess that it is to say, I give God all the glory. I know this self-discipline isn’t coming from me, it is a gift from him! I was simply faithful to not give up… which brings me to my next breakthrough…

The past couple of years of teaching have been miserable! like dark night of the soul, miserable. I can’t even tell you how many tears I have cried about how I didn’t want to teach anymore! Mr Carroll, my former principal who I love and adore, has had to counsel me so many times, like seriously, I’m almost embarrassed by the amount of tears I’ve cried in front of him. But last time he and I talked, he told me something that changed everything. I get really frustrated with the system. Just too much to do, too many unreasonable expectations, etc. And I point blank asked him (because he is secondary supervisor), how do you do it? I expected him to tell me something super philosophical, like I’m trying to change the system or something like that, but instead he said, I try to be nice to people. damn. So simple and so obvious, but I was just too stubborn and sinful to see it. So then I kind of changed my approach to my job. Rather than trying to win the rat race, and jump through all the hoops, I’m going to focus on people and demonstrating the fruits of the spirit in my actions. I’m not perfect it at it, I think I sometimes still make an idol out of my job, but by focusing on my attitude and actions, I don’t feel as overwhelmed by my to do list. I still work my ass off, but when it doesn’t get done, I don’t worry about. I don’t feel miserable like I use to. For example, I’m in charge of PBIS. Yesterday, we had a PBIS reward for students with perfect attendance and no referrals, I was picking up 15 dozen donuts at 6:30. The giving out of donuts only lasted from like 7:30 til 7:45, but it took like good 5 hours of planning and work. It is part of the reason that I am behind on grading, but when I was staying after school til 6 or 7, I was doing my teacher work, I was doing PBIS work. And after all that hard work, I didn’t even get one of the 15 dozen donuts, but it didn’t bother me.


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