Twas the night before…

Cody and I are leaving in the am for my family gathering in Lake Tahoe. I’m surprised I can’t sleep, but I think it is just excitement. I’m still disappointed that my parents won’t be joining us, but I do feel better about it. I talked to my parents two days ago, and they explained that they felt like their presence would cause too much stress on everyone. It made me realize that they were sacrificing themselves for all of us. It made me see that I needed to have a good time for my parent’s sake, so that their sacrifice wasn’t for nothing.

I’ve had a hard time packing for this trip as I’m not sure how the weather will be. Well, that’s not true. The weather will be between 30 and 50 degrees, but I don’t know how I would like to dress for it. I’m terrible at estimating what a certain temperature will feel like… so instead I have just packed a couple different things, but that makes my luggage heavy! So hopefully I am not over 50 pounds…

Thankfully I am doing a lot better. I started praying this week that I could see all of this through God’s eyes. I just felt their had to be a purpose to the suffering. And today I read 2 Corinthians 12, when Paul says “When I am weak, then I am strong.” Anyway, it made me realize that part of the purpose of my suffering is to make me more dependent on God. God is trying to grow my faith, and that makes me excited. I truly want a faith that makes a difference in the world around me. I don’t want to be a baby Christian my whole life. I also believe that I will only find satisfaction and contentment in God alone. Which speaking of, God also showed me this week that part of this trial is to teach me that my identity is not in my job. As usual, this year I’ve made my job my identity and I’ve made my job an idol in my life. I’ve been struggling with this for years, and that is why God had to make this trial so tough, because I’ve been stubborn. I need to finally learn how to see my job differently.

2 Corinthians 12:7-10 (CSB)

Therefore, so that I would not exalt myself, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to torment me so that I would not exalt myself. Concerning this, I pleaded with the Lord three times that it would leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness.”

Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me. 10 So I take pleasure in weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and in difficulties, for the sake of Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Different by Micah Tyler

I don’t wanna hear anymore, teach me to listen
I don’t wanna see anymore, give me a vision
That you could move this heart, to be set apart
I don’t need to recognize, the man in the mirror
And I don’t wanna trade Your plan, for something familiar
I can’t waste a day, I can’t stay the same
I wanna be different
I wanna be changed
‘Til all of me is gone
And all that remains
Is a fire so bright
The whole world can see
That there’s something different
So come and be different
In me
And I dont wanna spend my life, stuck in a pattern
And I don’t wanna gain this world but lose what matters
And so I’m giving up, everything because
I wanna be different
I wanna be changed
‘Til all of me is gone
And all that remains
Is a fire so bright
The whole world can see
That there’s something different
So come and be different; oh-oh
I know, that I am far, from perfect
But through You, the cross still says, I’m worth it
So take this beating in my heart and
Come and finish what You started
When they see me, let them see You
‘Cause I just wanna be different, ye-ey
I wanna be different
I wanna be changed
‘Til all of me is gone
And all that remains
Oh is a fire so bright
The whole world can see
That there’s something different
So come and be different
I just wanna be different
So could You be different
In me

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