Here we are again…

Well, surprise, surprise, things are not good between me and my sister. again. I’m so tired of this shit. I don’t even care anymore. who am I kidding… I’m devastated. For the third time in about three months I’m up crying and unable to stop. My counselor thinks I need to adjust my expectations for the relationship and just try to have some kind of a relationship rather than no relationship, but right now I don’t want to have a relationship with her. She doesn’t appreciate me and what I’ve done for her. This summer she made a comment to me that she appreciates our friendship, and I just wanted to say, what friendship? We have a relationship where she takes what she wants when it is convenient for her.

I feel like this is how it always is. She rejects me and I don’t know how to handle it. Why do I care so much? Why can’t I just not care? But I’m also so scared that this will be the end of the relationship forever. I fear that if it was up to my sister, this would never be resolved and we would never speak again. And before you say I’m being dramatic that would just be run of the mill in my family. My mom doesn’t talk to her sister and probably hasn’t for close to 20 years.

I texted my sister today to ask her if she wanted to talk about it, and she said she did, but now I don’t know what I want to tell her…

All I know is right now I wish I could forget all this and sleep. I’m tired, but I can’t stop crying…. I just want to stop crying… Maybe I’ll try a sleeping pill… wish me good luck!

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