Meet My Dad

It has been awhile since I’ve written in my “Meet my” series, so I feel one is overdue. Although considering how large my family is, this series may literally take a lifetime. 

My Dad is really my stepdad, but I consider him my dad since he married my mom when I was three and he raised me as his own. The only time this gets confusing is when I talk about my biological father, who passed when I was two. Just for future reference, I call my biological dad, Dad Steve. 

Anyway, my dad is the oldest of three boys. He was born in Georgia, but raised him Florida. His parents got a divorce when he was in high school; his mother was an alcoholic. He went to Florida State, and got a degree in industrial safety. After college, he moved to Atlanta, and sold shoes. After more jobs than I know about (seriously, my dad had an entire life that I know nothing about. Once he worked in a shrimp processing plant, and in high school, he harvested watermelons. It is a little scary how much I don’t know about him). He met his first wife, got a job at an industrial plant as head of safety, and moved to Baton Rouge. After he lost that job, he started his own business as a safety consultant especially for litigation involving industrial accidents. 

My Dad became a Christian sometime in his early thirties. He was a deacon in his church and very involved in church, when his first wife left him. I don’t know the whole story of his divorce, and I’m certain there was fault on both sides, but I feel confident my dad tried to work it out, at least as best he could. Shortly after his divorce, someone set him up with my mom. Apparently my dad was smitten with my mom, but their romance was somewhat of a comedy of errors. The first time he called to ask her out, it was the anniversary of my dad’s death. Then, once they were engaged, my mom asked him what percent of his heart she had, he answered confidently, 80-85%. She responded that wasn’t good enough, and that they shouldn’t get married. Apparently, he immediately went to her house, even though it was late, and he spent the whole night trying to get out of that hole. However, they worked it out and were married shortly after.

I think one of my dad’s biggest life challenges was his relationship with his first daughters (my stepsisters). They would come visit every summer and every Christmas, but his ex would always try to turn them against him or use them against him. When they first got a divorce, she wouldn’t let him see them at all; my mom said it really tore my dad up. Later, when my oldest stepsister turned 16, her mom decided to send her to live with us. As you could imagine, it did not go well. My parents were super strict, and Allison was not use to their rules. It ended up being a terrible situation that ended Allison’s relationship with my dad, and then in turn, my younger stepsister’s relationship as well. 

My Dad’s personality is what Myers-Brigg’s calls the Fieldmarshall, and I feel it is a very accurate description. My Dad thrives in confrontation, and has very strong opinions that he is not afraid to share. He also has a very black and white opinion of right and wrong with no shades of grey. I think this has caused my Dad to have so very difficult relationships with people, especially his children (including myself). Even as a child, I don’t remember him as very mushy or warm. Apparently, he and I got off to a very bad start as well. When he was dating my mom, he babysat my brother and I. When it was time to go to bed, my mom still wasn’t home, and I refused to go to bed. Supposedly I fought with him for a very long time, and finally fell asleep in the hall outside my room. He still says (and I agree) that I didn’t even like him until I was about 8 (although their were probably more factors than just his personality).

Unfortunately our relationship got even more tumultuous once I went to college, and my parents and I had our huge falling out. For the longest time, I blamed him for everything that happened, as I believed that my mom just gave into him. Honestly, even after we resolved things, my mom and I almost ended our relationship for good, because of how much I resented him. She told me that if I couldn’t have a relationship with my dad then she wouldn’t have a relationship with me either. I was pretty close to just giving up, and walking away, when my Dad went into the hospital and almost died. His gallbladder had gone bad, but his recovery was complicated by a blood disorder. I’ll never forget talking to my mom and hearing the distress in her voice. That is when I changed my mind, and decided unforgiveness wasn’t worth a broken relationship. I was living in New York at the time, and I sent my dad a Get Well Soon card; it was the first card I had sent him for years, and without saying anything, our relationship was mended. I think almost dying changed him a little, because soon after, he mended his relationship with my older brother as well. 

Now, I genuinely cherish our relationship. When John broke up with me, my Dad was the first person I wanted to talk to; he made me feel so much better. And then once I moved home, my Dad helped me a lot with recovering from a broken heart and learning personal finance. Even now, if I want advice, I ask my Dad. Additionally, since moving home, I’ve learned more about my mom, and figured out that my Dad had been a hard-ass to protect my mom; that was a huge turning point. Now, I see value in my Dad’s difficult personality, and I’ve learned that confrontation doesn’t have to be bad, and it can be valuable. Even though, it has been a long difficult road, my Dad has taught me how to stand up for myself, have healthy confrontation, and how to love someone even if you don’t always agree.

Oh, and one more important point, this Christmas my Dad finally mended his relationship with his other daughters, and we are planning our first family vacation for next year. This will be the first time we’ve all been together in about 15 years. It will be so awesome, and I give glory to God for the restoration he brought to our family!